Wendy Norman knows a lot about childhood brain development. She’s an expert on effective parenting techniques. She even helped write the curriculum she and her colleagues at Forty Carrots Family Center use for some of their parenting classes.
But in her work as a Parenting Educator, Wendy never lectures. She never talks down to parents. She doesn’t tell them what to do. “It’s more about, How can we support you?” she says. “And by the way, here’s some really interesting information that we know helps children…”
Building deep trust
A former preschool and kindergarten teacher, Wendy holds a master’s degree in education and an advanced certificate in infant-family mental health. Her combination of smarts and social intelligence makes a big difference for a lot of people who need help.
For Forty Carrots, Wendy mostly leads parenting-education programs at partner locations where families are particularly at risk. Like Cyesis, the teen-parent and dropout-prevention program at Riverview High School. And the Mothers & Infants residential treatment program at Lightshare, the behavioral healthcare provider, where expectant and brand-new moms get help recovering from substance-use disorders. Through the court system, Wendy also facilitates classes for men in residential treatment and for people on probation who are required to take a parenting class.
“Wendy’s amazing,” says Michelle Kapreilian, CEO of Forty Carrots. “Her inherent compassion and care for people comes through the moment you meet her. She’s able to build deep trust with clients, which is the first step in supporting long-term change.”
Wendy got her own introduction to Forty Carrots as a mom herself, attending a Partners in Play (PIP) class. That’s perhaps the organization’s best-known outreach program in the wider community. Classes are offered at sites like local libraries and focus on how play and learning go hand-in-hand.
Wendy’s knowledge as a former teacher quickly became evident. Soon, she was offered a part-time job, which led to her full-time work today. She’s now in her 18th year! “I came to class with my five-month-old—and I never left,” she says.
“Wendy’s amazing. She’s able to build deep trust with clients, which is the first step in supporting long-term change.”
Michelle Kapreilian, CEO, Forty Carrots Family Center
More than education
“As I began working at Forty Carrots, I quickly realized it’s more than education,” Wendy says. “There was a therapeutic piece to it. I’m not providing therapy, but providing a space for families to gain information in which they, hopefully, feel safe when they’re sharing.”
The principles on which Forty Carrots was founded fit well with the world of mental health, Wendy observes. Her own advanced training has honed her ability to present useful, actionable information to parents. “I know they need it, and I’m very passionate about that,” she says.
But she’s also cognizant of how she interacts with families. She talks with them. She gives them space. She’s nonjudgmental. She asks questions to get more information, so she can help parents brainstorm what they might need. One mom who recently completed Circle of Security, another program for building family bonds that Wendy coordinates, said: “I never thought the class would be like this. I was dreading it, but Wendy treated me like a human. Nothing I said was ‘wrong,’ and she never made me feel dumb for asking a question.”
When it comes to the challenges faced by the caregivers Wendy works with, many are rooted in trauma. That can come in a lot of different forms, she says, from not getting your own needs met as a child to abusive experiences. Wendy’s overarching message: “What you experienced as a child doesn’t have to be your own children’s experience.”
Of course, that can be a lot easier said than accepted. She’s continually inspired to see how the parents overwhelmingly have the instinct to be good parents. They want their children to turn out healthy and productive, to have a good relationship with them. But because they didn’t experience it themselves, they’re not sure how to bring it about.
“Wendy treated me like a human. Nothing I said was ‘wrong,’ and she never made me feel dumb for asking a question.”
Circle of Security class participant
All about attachment
“Unfortunately, the message they still get from others is that if you pick up your baby or you hold your baby, you are going to spoil them,” says Wendy. “It’s a challenge to get them to understand that your baby’s brain and nervous system benefit from being close to you, especially in the early months. Responding consistently and lovingly is not spoiling. That attachment information—how to respond to emotional needs—is the main thing we are focusing on.”
Still, the particular circumstances of the most at-risk families can complicate things. “They’re in survival mode,” says Wendy. “Their concerns are basic needs. So, sometimes it’s just supporting them in that moment.” But she always tries to bring it back to the child and the parent’s relationship with their child.
“As long as that relationship is consistent and loving, and a child is getting their emotional needs met, they feel safe,” she says. “We know that when a child comes to you and you stop what you’re doing and spend two minutes addressing whatever it is they need, that sets them on a path to healthy development.
“Your child thinks the world of you,” she continues. “Our kids look to us as the person. If they can get a little of our time, that’s what they really need.”
Wendy and her colleagues get feedback from the families they work with in a variety of ways. Sometimes, it’s organic and immediate. Like the Lightshare Mothers & Infants group that was upset when a break between sessions arrived. “You’re not coming back for three weeks?” the moms asked. “What are we going to do? Can you give us a project to work on?” Wendy chuckles—“we don’t do projects,” she says—but that kind of trust and buy-in tells her that the work is effective.
Other times, feedback arrives well after a class, even out of the blue. Wendy recently heard from a dad she’d worked with six months earlier. His text simply said: “I don’t know if you remember us, but I wanted to let you know that we were reunited. We are so thankful for everything you did for us.”
To learn more about the Parenting Education program at Forty Carrots Family Center, go to https://fortycarrots.com/parenting-program/
